Argue, that's all these frakking toasters ever do. (You're one of them, his conscience reminds him, you are one of them, so shut the frak up. Mission. Mission.) Thoughts of before are irrelevant, so many of them lies anyway, and as Leoben convinces the Six in charge to let Kara see the ship's hybrid, the plan starts to fall into place. Athena connects to the data stream--
(--the data stream: it's right there. If she can do it, if the rest of the Cylons can do it, can do it too? What's it like? Will that be... could it... is there some way it might make him feel like he's a part of things? Will it flood his brain with a complete and sudden understanding? It might give him away. It probably will give him away. The stakes are high, so much higher than anyone can possibly imagine: he rests his hand above the water-filled tray. Closer, just a little bit--)
"Anders, you're on me."
It's Kara's voice; his hand pulls back. Another time, he promises himself. He looks at Kara, looks at Leoben, looks at the Six and slowly, slowly lets go of... of everything. "Might be better if I stay here. I know more about the Raptor's system than they do."
It's the first time he's willingly let his wife walk off with Leoben, but he can come to terms with that later. There's too much going on. Barolay and the white-haired Six are butting heads over some shit that happened back on New Caprica--now's not the time--and the Six slams Jean's head against the side of the Raptor. What the frak: Jean scrambles to her feet, insists she's okay, and then--
Oh, gods, Barolay: she drops like a sack of frakking bricks, and he's there in a flash ("Hey, hey,") checking for a pulse ("Jean?"), listening for her breathing ("Hey, Jean?"), and she's not... she doesn't...
"You killed her. You frakking killed her!" Nothing feels real and everything feels wrong. He grabs that frakking toaster, that Six, and throws her to the floor and before he knows it his gun's on her, and it's just like what happened with Gaeta all over again, and he can't, he can't--
"You want to know what it feels like to die, huh?" In his hand, the gun meets the back of the Six's head. "You're nothing! You're a frakking machine!" Gods, he hates them so much. He wishes he'd never heard the word Cylon, wishes he'd never heard that frakking music, wishes he wasn't one of them, wishes he wasn't capable of any of this.
In the din and confusion he hears Kara ordering him to stop, to put the gun down, but he can't. "What do you want me to do, Kara? You want me to forget about Barolay? You want me to forget about New Caprica? No frakking way! She just killed Barolay!" Kara insists; he can't. He can't do it, not even when Kara tells him he has no idea what's at stake here, tells him to look at her, to put the gun down.
For once on this godsdamn mission, Athena sides with him. "They killed one of us and you're just ready to let it slide?"
Thank frak. "She's right. You can't let this go, Kara. If you don't want to do this, I will." (He can't breathe.)
"Put the gun down, soldier." (Frak you, Kara, he thinks, don't call me that, I'm no frakking soldier.) "I need to see the Hybrid."
Mission. The Six, the one in charge, is talking to the Six who just killed Barolay (Jean, no, his one remaining teammate, his best friend) about New Caprica, about how Jean killed her once, about how they tried to work through it after the Six's resurrection, and he just... no matter what they say, Barolay's still dead. She's still dead and not coming back. His gun's still at the Six's head.
"You shut your frakking mouth."
He doesn't want this. He doesn't want to be a Cylon and he doesn't want to be a soldier. He doesn't want this mission, he doesn't want any of this and just when the two Sixes look like they're making their peace with whatever--he doesn't know, he doesn't know a godsdamn thing--suddenly that dominant Six has her finger wrapped around his on the trigger of his gun and presses.
Frak! In an instant he's freed himself, turns the gun on her. "Gods damn it!"
"No resurrection ship," she tells him, voice as cold as ice. "You understand? She's just as dead as your friend." The Six stops in front of Kara. "Is that enough human justice for you? Blood for blood?"
no subject
(--the data stream: it's right there. If she can do it, if the rest of the Cylons can do it, can do it too? What's it like? Will that be... could it... is there some way it might make him feel like he's a part of things? Will it flood his brain with a complete and sudden understanding? It might give him away. It probably will give him away. The stakes are high, so much higher than anyone can possibly imagine: he rests his hand above the water-filled tray. Closer, just a little bit--)
"Anders, you're on me."
It's Kara's voice; his hand pulls back. Another time, he promises himself. He looks at Kara, looks at Leoben, looks at the Six and slowly, slowly lets go of... of everything. "Might be better if I stay here. I know more about the Raptor's system than they do."
It's the first time he's willingly let his wife walk off with Leoben, but he can come to terms with that later. There's too much going on. Barolay and the white-haired Six are butting heads over some shit that happened back on New Caprica--now's not the time--and the Six slams Jean's head against the side of the Raptor. What the frak: Jean scrambles to her feet, insists she's okay, and then--
Oh, gods, Barolay: she drops like a sack of frakking bricks, and he's there in a flash ("Hey, hey,") checking for a pulse ("Jean?"), listening for her breathing ("Hey, Jean?"), and she's not... she doesn't...
"You killed her. You frakking killed her!" Nothing feels real and everything feels wrong. He grabs that frakking toaster, that Six, and throws her to the floor and before he knows it his gun's on her, and it's just like what happened with Gaeta all over again, and he can't, he can't--
"You want to know what it feels like to die, huh?" In his hand, the gun meets the back of the Six's head. "You're nothing! You're a frakking machine!" Gods, he hates them so much. He wishes he'd never heard the word Cylon, wishes he'd never heard that frakking music, wishes he wasn't one of them, wishes he wasn't capable of any of this.
In the din and confusion he hears Kara ordering him to stop, to put the gun down, but he can't. "What do you want me to do, Kara? You want me to forget about Barolay? You want me to forget about New Caprica? No frakking way! She just killed Barolay!" Kara insists; he can't. He can't do it, not even when Kara tells him he has no idea what's at stake here, tells him to look at her, to put the gun down.
For once on this godsdamn mission, Athena sides with him. "They killed one of us and you're just ready to let it slide?"
Thank frak. "She's right. You can't let this go, Kara. If you don't want to do this, I will." (He can't breathe.)
"Put the gun down, soldier." (Frak you, Kara, he thinks, don't call me that, I'm no frakking soldier.) "I need to see the Hybrid."
Mission. The Six, the one in charge, is talking to the Six who just killed Barolay (Jean, no, his one remaining teammate, his best friend) about New Caprica, about how Jean killed her once, about how they tried to work through it after the Six's resurrection, and he just... no matter what they say, Barolay's still dead. She's still dead and not coming back. His gun's still at the Six's head.
"You shut your frakking mouth."
He doesn't want this. He doesn't want to be a Cylon and he doesn't want to be a soldier. He doesn't want this mission, he doesn't want any of this and just when the two Sixes look like they're making their peace with whatever--he doesn't know, he doesn't know a godsdamn thing--suddenly that dominant Six has her finger wrapped around his on the trigger of his gun and presses.
Frak! In an instant he's freed himself, turns the gun on her. "Gods damn it!"
"No resurrection ship," she tells him, voice as cold as ice. "You understand? She's just as dead as your friend." The Six stops in front of Kara. "Is that enough human justice for you? Blood for blood?"