mr_gaeta: (the dream of New Caprica)
Felix Gaeta ([personal profile] mr_gaeta) wrote2013-03-20 01:23 am

Final Letters

In the stack of envelopes Gaeta gave Louis are notes for Dr. Simon Tam, Lady Demeter, Lady Aphrodite, Mr. Andrew Wells, Mr. Boyd Crowder, Cpt. Steve Rogers, and Anastasia Dualla.

Dr. Tam,

As I'm writing this, it's just past 2200 hrs. At 0600 tomorrow morning, I'm going to be put in front of a firing squad & executed for mutiny & treason. In case I don't see you again, I wanted to let you know what happened to me & why I won't be at Milliways anymore.

Please know that I wouldn't have done this if I didn't think it needed to be done. My president & commanding officer were forcing an alliance with the same enemy that almost exterminated us 4 years ago. I saw firsthand on New Caprica what can happen when you ally with the Cylons; I swore I wouldn't let that happen again. So I & the vice president took command of the military & executive branches, respectively -- or we tried to.

Mutiny, I will admit to. I refuse to believe my actions were treasonous.

(Though I suppose it doesn't matter much either way if one looks solely at the end result.)

I wanted to thank you for the care, kindness, & friendship you showed me in the time I knew you. All three became rare commodities in my life by the end. I will always remain especially grateful for your help after my amputation, when my spirits were especially low. Your presence in my life was a gift.

I wish you and your family all the best in the worlds.

Lt. Felix Gaeta

Lady Demeter,

As I'm writing, I have three beginnings of this letter already crumpled up in a trash bin near the table. I've committed to this being the last try. I'm sorry if it stays less coherent than I'd prefer.

At 0600 hrs, I'm going to be put in front of a firing squad & executed for mutiny & treason. It's not an unjust sentence: I did commit mutiny against my superior officers. I hope that in knowing me, though, you know it was not an action I undertook lightly. The Scrolls tell us that all of this has happened before & will happen again, but you also know I didn't grow up reading the Scrolls, & you've said to me -- & I trust your direct word more than a book of prophecies -- that slavish adherence is not always necessary.

I wanted to change things before they happened again. It didn't work. And maybe that proves I shouldn't have defied the Scrolls, but I won't regret trying.

I don't want this to turn into a confession or a prayer. By the time you get this, I'm sure they'll have already carried out my sentence. That doesn't leave much you can do, & I'm sorry for that. But I did want to apologize, with all my heart, for the remarks I made & the disrespect I showed the last time we spoke. I know your reach doesn't extend to my universe; I know what happened to my Earth was not your fault. But just because there wasn't anything you could do in that instance doesn't mean you've been useless. Far from it.

Thank you for the kindness you showed me in the years we knew each other. I am honored to have met you, Lady, & I will always be grateful for your gifts & your love.

Lt. Felix Gaeta

Lady Aphrodite,

I suspect you may have already heard via Louis what happened to me. If so, I apologize -- I wish it was something I could have told you in person, or that this letter could have reached you sooner.

At 0600 (so in approximately 8 hours) I will be executed for mutiny & treason. I believed the actions of my superior officer were dangerous, injust, & in direct violation of the oath we all took upon joining the Colonial Fleet. I hope you'll understand that this was an option of last resort; I didn't undertake it lightly, & I tried as hard as I could to minimize the damage I caused. Unfortunately, it didn't go as I hoped.

Prior to the mutiny, I ended my relationship with Louis. Please know that I didn't undertake that lightly, either, nor did I do it out of lack of love. I only did it to minimize the risk to his life in case the mutiny failed -- I still love him with all my heart. If you'll permit me, I ask your forgiveness for what I did & how I treated him in the process. I wish it could have gone differently as well.

I know if anyone could love Louis as much as I do, Lady, it would be you. Please look after him for me if I don't find my way to Milliways.

Lt. Felix Gaeta

Mr. Wells,

I'm not sure if you'll remember me, but I remember once, a long time ago, promising I would tell you what it was like to live in space. I shared the bad, but never got around to sharing the good.

Space travel was very commonplace where I grew up, but that didn't make going off-world any less amazing. There was always a moment, right when you were on the cusp of the planet's atmosphere but before you were all the way out into open space yet, where the sky took on this shade that looked almost silvery at the edges -- like you were flying straight through a jewel. & then of course you hit open space and there was nothing but jewels. Every square millimeter shone. Even the darkest places had light, no matter how faint & far away.

You kind of get used to it after a while, but my favorite place on Galactica was always the observation deck. 7 years in the service and I'd still go up there to take in the view when I could. Especially if we were going through a nebula -- you couldn't count the number of colors you'd see.

Space always had...possibility, I guess. You were still confined (by air/food/water supplies & the ship itself), but it always felt less so. Because even if you couldn't physically walk very far in a ship, you could let it carry you so much farther.

I hope you get to experience it firsthand someday.

All the best,
Lt. Felix Gaeta

Mr. Crowder,

I'm afraid to report that the matter we discussed didn't work out. I did make an attempt to plan more carefully, & I did not ask anyone to do something I myself wasn't willing to do. Ultimately, though, the plans failed.

In about 8 hours, I will be executed by firing squad for the crime of mutiny. ("Treason" has also been tacked on as a matter of course, but this was not a treasonous action.) I'm not sure if I'll be able to come back to Milliways after -- I've never been clear on the metaphysics that let the bar function as an afterlife & a multiversal point of intersection -- so in case I don't, I wanted to thank you for both your advice & the care you offered after my amputation. You gave me clarity, & you gave me a little bit of time without pain. Both meant a lot to me.

I wish you luck in all your future endeavors.

Lt. Felix Gaeta

(Gaeta's handwriting on this letter is a bit shakier, as if he wrote it all in one giant rush.)

Cpt. Rogers,

I know we've only spoken a few times, but over the past several weeks, I've spent a lot of time thinking about our conversations. I know how happy you are to finally be on the front lines of your war; I know you think it's your job & your duty to fight.

Don't. It isn't worth it. You're too good a man to make that sacrifice -- & not the noble sacrifice everybody says they'll make, where you lay down your life for the service of your home.

What no one has told you is that your loyalty won't be reciprocated. You'll place your ideals at the feet of whoever's in command, & they will destroy them. There will be pettiness, & betrayals, & over & over again you'll see those who aren't fit to lead drive you & your fellow soldiers into stupid, pointless deaths. There is nothing noble about fighting a war. No sacrifices for some beautiful greater good. Just endless deaths for no godsdamn reason. What they ask of us, there is nothing they or we can do to make it worth it.

You were lucky not to be out there for so long. Get all the way out while you still can. Go the frak home, & enjoy your home while you still have one. That's the only thing that's worth it.

I don't know if I'll make it back to Milliways after this. That's why I've written the letter. These may be the last words you hear from me, so please, I am begging you, one soldier to another, sir. Leave before they ruin you.

--Lt. Felix Gaeta

(This note also includes a short message to Bar: Please only give this to her if she's deceased. Thank you. --Lt. Gaeta)

Hi, Dee.

I think that if you were going to come here, you would have by now. I guess I still have some hope, though.

(Look at me, hoping again. I won't deny it: it's a nice feeling.)

Anyway, if you're reading this, it means you made it. Welcome to Milliways. Remember how popular multiversal theory was about 10, 15 years ago? This bar's a little bit like that; it's a point of intersection for people from all over the universe, & from other universes, too -- both the dead & the living. Don't worry about the observation window or the fish in the fire. As far as I know, they're both real, but neither one of them will hurt you.

Yeah, I think they're frakking disturbing anyway, too. Unbelievable as it sounds, you'll get used to it. I promise.

I should warn you, though, Dee: you're going to run into a lot of people who say they live on Earth. They're not lying. I don't know, I guess we got stuck with the worst godsdamn luck of any universe, but in hundreds of other universes...Earth exists, & it's habitable. Beautiful, even. Not a lot of consolation, I know, but I thought it'd be better if I broke the news to you instead of letting some stranger do it. Assuming you're not getting this after somebody already told you they were from Earth, anyway. In which case, go ahead & pretend I broke it to you first.

I want to show you something, too. I don't know if it'll help, but go toward the back of the bar. You'll see another door there & a few windows. Open the door.

See that? That's Earth. (Sort of; it's more like the old dome on Cloud 9, modeled after a part of the planet called Scotland.) It might not be our Earth, but it's an Earth -- & I don't know about you, but I like it a frakload more than what we got. So it's yours, now that you're here. It'll be yours for as long as you stay.

Maybe I'll see you again here. If I do, I'll buy you a round.

I miss you.