The Face of the Enemy, Part V

[mr_gaeta]

Gaeta doesn't speak the whole time he's in sickbay.

He has an excuse, for some of it: hypoxia means a mask with pure oxygen for a good six hours. They clean the blood from his face and hands with a gentleness he despises, speaking quietly as they explain what tests they'll need to run to confirm he hasn't suffered brain damage. Gaeta stares straight ahead, only nodding when prompted.

When the tests come back clean -- no permanent damage, he overhears Cottle say -- Gaeta thinks he might burst out laughing.

At some point, he becomes aware that somebody's asking him for details. He sees rank pins and duty blues, but can't make the face conform to anybody he knows. So, in silence, he shakes his head.

Whoever it is doesn't press.




When Cottle discharges him for return to active duty, he finally manages a hoarse, "Thank you, sir," as he's gathering himself to leave.

Turns out he has a lot more to say once he's face-to-face with the Cylon standing across from him in the CIC -- especially when Tigh begins to talk about how, in that kind of environment, it can be difficult to trust your own memory. He means it as a prelude to why the admiral won't be opening an investigation, but all Gaeta can hear is, none of it was real.

He's spent too long pretending not to see the truth. Gods be damned if he'll do it again.

"Since a human is the sole survivor," says Tigh, "the Old Man's not inclined to make an issue out of it and risk the alliance."

The alliance. Gaeta's throat bobs. "Sir," he says, eyes fixed on the CIC table, "there shouldn't be an alliance."

"Cylon technology is going to keep this fleet moving, Mr. Gaeta," Tigh points out, and something deep inside Gaeta's gut turns over. Of course the XO would say as much. He has everything to gain from an alliance: security, his position in the Fleet, not being stuffed out a frakking airlock the instant he revealed himself as one of the Final Five.

"I need to speak to the admiral directly," he bites out, not bothering with a sir this time.

"Why would that be?"

He finally lifts his eyes from the table and fixes Tigh with a long look. "Because you're a Cylon," he says levelly. "Sir."

Gaeta didn't raise his voice, but the CIC goes as quiet as if he'd shouted the words at top volume. For a second, Tigh stares at him in disbelief. Gaeta's gaze doesn't waver.

Finally, eye narrowed: "There's a meeting later today to discuss some new idea of Mr. Tyrol's," says Tigh. "You can let the admiral in on your views there."

He lifts his chin as if he's about to nod, but doesn't lower it again. "Yes sir. Thank you, sir."

It sounds quite a lot more like frak off. Without waiting for Tigh's reaction, he limps out of the CIC.

Comments

[faithful_lt]

Hoshi watches along with everyone else in CIC in horrified shock as Felix confronts Tigh, and doesn't realize that he's pleading under his breath with the universe at large until he hears his own whispered oath.

It's not like the XO's ever been known for much in the way of leniency, after all.

Still, for whatever reason, Tigh lets it pass. Hoshi throws a fervent thanks after his near-silent pleas, and turns back to his console for the rest of shift.

The instant he's relieved of duty and through the door, he dashes down the corridor to catch up with Felix, who himself hasn't waited around.

"Felix! Hold up--"

[mr_gaeta]

Gaeta slows his pace -- not that there's much to slow, between the crutches and his ill-fitting prosthesis -- and glances over his shoulder.

There's a curious blankness to the look, as if not quite sure why Hoshi's following him.

[faithful_lt]

He draws to a stop when he catches up, making an idle mental note that he needs to spend a little more time running laps if he doesn't want to get out of breath on a short jog. Hoshi moves to the side of the corridor, out of the way of passing traffic, reaching as he does to touch Felix on the upper arm and encourage him to do the same.

"What the frak was that all about?"

Although he keeps his voice lowered, surprise wars with concern in both tone and expression as he searches the other man's face.

[mr_gaeta]

Gaeta's brow creases, just a little.

"Which part?"

[faithful_lt]

Hoshi stares at him.

"I don't know - how about the part where you nearly got yourself called out on insubordination for the way you were talking to Tigh?"

[mr_gaeta]

Oh. Nothing specific, then; just his general tone toward their XO.

(Who shouldn't be their XO any longer; not since Adama learned the truth.)

Gaeta shrugs. "Nearly," he points out, and turns to continue walking down the hall. "I didn't."

[faithful_lt]

"No, you didn't, but you were lucky."

Hoshi moves to circle around in front of him.

"This isn't like you, Felix," he points out. "What's wrong?"

[mr_gaeta]

Gaeta snorts out a humorless laugh. What do you think? he almost asks.

"Nothing," he says instead, pushing forward a little harder on his crutches. "I'm fine."

In his head, he's still turning over the conversation with Tigh: he shouldn't be there, he shouldn't be there --

[faithful_lt]

"No, you're not," Hoshi insists.

"Felix--"

[mr_gaeta]

"What?" he snaps, whirling around again.

[faithful_lt]

He drops back a step in pure shock, staring at the other man.



"... I'm worried about you," Hoshi manages, after a moment.

[mr_gaeta]

Gaeta studies Hoshi for a moment. Some -- but not all -- of the heat fades.

"Don't be," he says at last. He turns around again.

[faithful_lt]

"You can't be serious."

He takes two quick steps forward and reaches to touch Felix's arm.

"Listen, if you don't want to talk about it here, we could --"

[mr_gaeta]

His arm tenses under Hoshi's hand, but he doesn't pull it away.

"What is there to talk about?" Gaeta lifts one hand just long enough to rub his forehead. "Look, forget I said anything. I didn't get charged, nobody gives a frak -- "

(That's the crux of this, really: nobody gives a frak.)

" -- I've got a meeting with the Admiral soon -- "

[faithful_lt]

"Nobody gives-- you're wrong, Felix."

He can't believe what he's hearing, and he's growing more worried by the second.

"And I'm not just going to forget it, either. I know it's -- we're all still getting used to the fact that Tigh's a, a, what he is, but he's still Tigh, he's still the XO, just like Galen's still the Chief, and Athena -- they're still the people we know and serve with."

[mr_gaeta]

A 'what he is.' Gods. Hoshi can't even spit it out.

"A Cylon?" he supplies, acidly. "Yeah. Well. You weren't here when Boomer shot the old man in the middle of the CIC."

And he wasn't aboard that Raptor, either. He doesn't know what she -- Gaeta can feel the constriction starting in his chest again; he takes two quick, harsh breaths, struggling to dispel it as he keeps walking.

[faithful_lt]

He keeps pace.

"No, I wasn't. I was on Pegasus," Hoshi reminds him.

Try as he might, he can't keep his tone from shifting into something carefully neutral, the way it always did when the subject of Cylons came up during his time on that ship.

[mr_gaeta]

Gaeta doesn't seem to notice the change in Hoshi's voice.

He doesn't know what Boomer did. He doesn't understand the threat sitting right the frak under their noses in the CIC, on the flight deck, with the pilots. Every facet of their lives has been permeated by the Cylons, and nobody. Frakking. Gets it.

This has to change, says a small, clear voice in one corner of his brain, and abruptly, Gaeta stops walking.

[faithful_lt]

Hoshi's been focusing so much on staying right beside him that he jolts a step past Felix before he can stop.

He recovers quickly, turning to face him.

"Felix. Come on," he says, quietly. "You've got time. Let's go sit down somewhere and talk about this."

[mr_gaeta]

Gaeta blinks. He meets Hoshi's eyes, studying him closely. Deep in his chest, he feels a pang unrelated to the last vestiges of the panic attack.

Oh, Louis, he thinks.

"No," he says, quietly. "There's nothing to talk about."

[faithful_lt]

He looks surprised.


"I don't understand. Are you -- do you mean you're not going to meet with the Admiral after all?"

[mr_gaeta]

"No," he says, "I'm still going to meet with him."

He's still examining Louis, like he's trying to memorize his face.

"But there isn't anything to talk about with us."

[faithful_lt]

Hoshi stares at him.



"What?"

[mr_gaeta]

"You're a good man, Louis."

It's so strange, how calm he feels. That must mean he's making the right decision.

"I don't know what's going to happen, but -- you're too good to get mixed up in it."

[faithful_lt]

There's a dull, high-pitched ringing in his ears, and he's having trouble catching his breath all of a sudden.

Shock, a part of him notes, distantly. This is shock. Either that or there's a hull breach somewhere.

Hoshi can't move, nor can he stop staring at the man he loves.

"Felix, I don't -- what are you saying?"

[mr_gaeta]

"That you should keep your head down."

He draws a slow breath.

"And that it's over."

[faithful_lt]

The single word echoes like the tolling of some horrible bell.

Over.

"Do you have any idea how much I've wanted you to do that?"

Over.

"I think I might be falling in love with you."

Over.

"A tree for you, an ocean for me. ... we're together. What happened today - it didn't take that from us."

Felix, he tries to say. His lips move, shaping the name, but he can't make a single sound.

Felix. No. Please.

[mr_gaeta]

Gaeta swallows, watching the color drain from Louis' face. This is the closest he's felt to being present since coming home; gods, why couldn't the numbness persist for just a little longer.

Oh, love.

It's too late. He's done it. Now they'll both be all right.

"Keep your head down," he says again, softer, and turns to continue on toward the Admiral's quarters.

I'm sorry.

[faithful_lt]

He doesn't know how long he stands there, stunned silent and numb with shock as he watches Felix walk away, then continuing to stare at the bend in the corridor where he had vanished from sight, waiting for him to come back, to say it was just a joke, that he'd changed his mind; waiting to wake up from this horrible nightmare, somehow.



"Lieutenant? Lieutenant Hoshi? Sir?"

Hoshi jerks and fumbles a hand out to steady himself against the wall as he turns to face the concerned Marine who's stopped to address him.

"Sir, are you all right?"

He starts to nod, but can't quite make himself.

"I'm -- I was just lost in thought," he manages, his voice sounding distant in his own ears. "Thanks for asking."



Once the Marine leaves, Hoshi finds the will to make his feet move; first one, then the other. He stumbles back up the corridor, slowly at first, then faster, until finally he's almost running as he heads for the observation deck.

He'll wait for Felix at Milliways. Once he talks to the Admiral, he'll calm down, and then when he shows up, Hoshi can talk to him there. Whatever's wrong, they can figure it out together. They've been through worse. This can't be over.



It can't.