mr_gaeta | (no subject)

(no subject)

CURRENT auxiliarySurveyor has invited aquarianStargazer to join private transtimeline bulletin board TO LOUIS

CURRENT auxiliarySurveyor 26 MINUTES AGO opened memo on board TO LOUIS

CAS: hey
CAS: its me
CAS: ruight, like itd be anybody else
CAS: except gogo maybe
CAS: sorry, ive had a lot of ambrosia & im concentratinv v hard on trying t hit the right keys
CAS: not exactly working
CAS: its either this or go back to sleep & i just spent 5 hrs having really vivid nightmares AGAIN s id rather just get drunk
CAS: you know?
CAS: anyway
CAS: i miss you
CAS: i love you
CAS: i really wish it wasnt just me & a big extinct bird in here right now
CAS: but yure probably not going to get this for another 3 godsdamn weeks or something because of the frakking time differential so not much we can do there
CAS: i just
CAS: dont know how much longer i can keep doing this
CAS: the nightmares
CAS: theeverything
CAS: its
CAS: okay
CAS: maybe itll be easier if i write it. i dont know
CAS: worth a try
CAS: Louis, I killed 200 people on New Caprica.
CAS: not directly. but that doesnt matter
CAS: i had a whole list of names & gave them to an 8 because she said she could get them out of detention
CAS: & she killed them
CAS: shed tell me they just ran off or id just missed thm in the mess or something
CAS: you didnt see them? im sure youll see them tomorrow
CAS: she always said that
CAS: over & over
CAS: i believed her & 200 people are dead becase of what i did
CAS: all i was doing was trying to help
CAS: & i killed people
CAS: i cant
CAS: i found out on the raptor
CAS: same 8. the dead one.
CAS: she killed everyone & told m what happened
CAS: & i dont know what to do & i dont know how to deal & i keep frakking dreaming about it every godsdamn night
CAS: its getting worse
CAS: and it always gets cold when it happens
CAS: i cant stop remembering how cold it was on the raptor & how it smelled w all the blood everywhere
CAS: & it never feels like i can breathe right anymore
CAS: i think i shouldve just od'd like i planned
CAS: managed 1 dose. couldnt do the other.
CAS: there was only 20 min of air left anyway
CAS: wouldve made everything easier
CAS: i couldve just come here straight from there
CAS: no mutiny
CAS: no leaving you
CAS: i wouldnt have hurt you & it wouldve been better
CAS: youre probably not going to get this for a while anyway.
CAS: ill probably end up deleting it whenever im sober next
CAS: i dnt know
CAS: maybe itll be better in the morning
CAS: i miss you so much

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Although he's tested it on every frequency he can think of and found no direct interference, Hoshi doesn't feel comfortable having the little T-Minus device in CIC.

Granted, it's a risk to have it hidden in his things, too, but he doesn't think it likely anyone'll be snooping -- even the ones who are suspicious of him now, even the ones who think he should have been able to warn them. They've all got too much else on their minds these days as it is.

When he comes off shift, he's got four hours before the next one. He scrubs up in the head, splashing cold water to wash away exhaustion, and shrugs back into his jacket before heading to his bunk.

He unwraps the device from the pillowcase and checks it. He's getting the hang of it now, and they've been able to send a few messages back and forth.

Nothing like this, though. Nothing anything like this.

Felix's spelling is the first sign that something's wrong - everything from him before has been letter-perfect. As Hoshi reads, he can feel the blood draining from his face.

"Oh, gods," he whispers, starring in horror at the small screen. "Oh, gods--"

CURRENT aquarianStargazer [CAS] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CAS: Felix? Felix, it's me. Are you there? Are you in your room?
CAS: Wait for me there, baby. Just wait. I'm coming.

A couple of minutes pass before a response blips onto the screen.

CAS: yeah
CAS: doorsunlocked

CAS: Okay.
CAS: Is Gogo with you?

He cups his fingers around the device and hides it against his palm, then gets up and starts for the door.

"Hey. Hoshi." Lieutenant Marcus looks up from the circuit board prints that he's tracing. "You just got here, man. Everything okay?"

No, he thinks, but makes himself smile a little anyway.

"Sure. Just forgot there was something I wanted to check on."

Marcus shoots him a wry grin. "Always when you're just about to catch a few winks, right?"

"You know it," Hoshi tosses back, and finally makes it through the door into the corridor.

CAS: yeah
CAS: frakkers porbably wondering why i havent fed him yet
CAS: i mean
CAS: i fed him today
CAS: not thaf far gone
CAS: but hes right next to me with that what the fraks going on fadce
CAS: i think

CAS: Maybe he's checking you out for marshmallows.
CAS: Crossing over in a second here
CAS: No idea if the signal will hold or not
CAS: Just so you know, in case it doesn't, okay?

He sends the last line, gives a quick glance up and down the corridor to make sure he's alone, then touches his newest dogtag and slips through the supply room hatch into Milliways.

CAS: ok

The screen flickers, jumping in a quick fizz of static, but resolves itself within seconds once Louis is over the threshold.

Edited 2013-08-07 20:41 (UTC)

CAS: Still there?

He crosses the main room as quickly as he can, stopping once to apologize profusely to the waitrat he nearly stepped on while looking at the handheld's screen, then takes the stairs two at a time.

CAS: still here
CAS: did yo umake it?

CAS: Close your eyes and count to ten.

He's glad that he's familiar enough with navigating hallways and corridors that it's not hard for him to find Felix's room.

The door's unlocked, Felix's message had said. Hoshi opens it as quietly as he can, and steps inside.

It's not that the room's messy. It's just that, like the misspelled words and the inattention to punctuation, it's off-kilter by Gaeta's standards. Plates sit unwashed in the sink, with a neat line of empty ambrosia bottles decorating the counter -- way more than one person could drink in a sitting without killing themselves. The blankets piled atop the couch are rumpled and unfolded.

The whole place smells identical to the bar downstairs: booze, and cigarettes, and not enough circulating air.

"...six, sev'n, eight..."

At the kitchen table, next to a nearly empty bottle of ambrosia, Gaeta has his face propped in both hands as he quietly works through the numbers. Gogo has his head draped over Gaeta's left thigh -- and while there's a definite what the frak quality to the bird's expression, it clearly doesn't have anything to do with food.

The overall impact hits him like a punch to the gut.

Gods, oh gods, oh Lady help me - what do I do?

He has two seconds to figure it out, and goes with pure instinct.

Hoshi switches off the handheld and sets it down on a small shelf, then waits for Felix to open his eyes.

"...ten."

He opens his eyes -- bleary, unfocused, and reddened -- as he raises his head. What Gaeta had been half-hoping to find: Louis lying next to him in his rack, the quiet hum of Galactica, both feet tangled with the other man's. Let this be a bad dream, too.

When he finally gets his eyes to focus on Louis, they immediately well up with tears.

"Oh, baby."

He moves around the table to Felix's right, pushing the ambrosia bottle away as he does.

"Come here."

Suiting actions to words, Hoshi reaches out to take the other man in his arms.

It's like the breaking of a dam.

As Louis gathers him close, Gaeta sags forward and clutches both hands into the familiar blue fabric of his uniform. He's weeping openly now -- and none too quietly either.

When he closes his eyes, the room starts spinning so hard that even Louis' support can't quite keep him upright.

He has to brace himself to keep from being knocked off balance, but manages it - barely. Hoshi hooks an ankle around another chair and drags it close enough that he can sink into it, still holding Felix near.

(He spares one wary glance at the bird, but that's it.)

"Let it out," he murmurs. "You've been holding it in all this time, haven't you."

He chances a nod -- the wobbling gets worse -- before pressing his face back to Louis' shoulder.

Gogo, for his part, hasn't taken his eyes off Gaeta. Apparently, Louis bribed him sufficiently during his last visit to earn a spot on the List of Okay People.

"Thought so."

He rubs one hand up and down Felix's back. There are so many things he wants to ask, wants to say, but they'll all have to wait.

Hoshi turns his head and kisses Felix's hair, realizing with a pang as he does that he can't remember the last time he did that.

"Didn' tell anyone," he manages, thin and choked. "I couldn't."

Even just typing the words to Louis -- I killed 200 people on New Caprica -- had taken close to five minutes, and not because of the ambrosia.

"Were you afraid no one would believe you?"

The gentle, reassuring movement of his hand stays steady.

"Dunno." He sniffles, audibly, and clings a little tighter to offset the spinning. "Maybe. But I just couldn'...I couldn't breathe an' it'd get cold..."

He can't articulate it more than that.

"Are you cold now?"

"Yeah."

Not as bad as earlier -- before Louis arrived -- but the chill always takes a while to go away.

For one wild moment, he entertains the idea of telling the bird to fetch, like a dog, then dismisses it.

"Okay," he murmurs. "Okay."

"Let's get you over to the couch, then, hm?"

Another sniffle. "'Kay."

Gingerly, Gaeta pulls back a little from Louis, clumsily wiping at his eyes.

He clears his throat, which is threatening to lock shut on him at the look on Felix's face.

"Can you walk? Or - I could carry you - "